jesse andrews is napping furtively

Hi. My name is Jesse Andrews. I am the author of Me and Earl and the Dying Girl. I am also a dog who can type. Specifically, a corgi. I am a corgi who can type intelligible prose. It's sort of incredible that this isn't a bigger story, but whatever. I can do without the publicity. Anyway, I encourage you to read my book. If I was going to be obnoxious and in-your-face about the I-am-a-dog thing, this is where I would make some kind of labored dog-related pun, like, "It's a RUFF read!" But that's some played-out human garbage, and I am not going to go there. Also, that pun doesn't even make sense.
♥☠ Tuesday, December 18 ☠♥
Permalink

blacklisted

imagei got blacklisted.


dad: hello?

me: yo.

dad, suspiciously: who is this?

me: it’s your son.

dad: oh!

dad, worriedly: is this about the car?

me: no.

dad: oh god. you’ve lost your health insurance.

me: no! it’s good news!

mom: ooh let’s do facetime!

dad: oof.

me: hi mom!

me: you kind of just came out of nowhere!

dad: i do not like facetime.

mom: PLEEEEASE

dad: fine.

a lengthy bout of typing and muttering.

dad: i’m not seeing—who is “BonerDog420”?

me: i have no idea what you’re even looking at.

dad: the only person on the list that i can call is “BonerDog420.” but that’s not you.

me: what list? how did you arrive at—you know what, never mind.

dad: maybe we should call him to make sure.

me: do what you need to do. can i just tell you about—

dad: hello? bonerdog?

mom: reid i don’t think you should EWW

dad: GOOD LORD.

mom: TURN IT OFF. TURN IT OFF.

dad: WOW.

me: maybe you guys can call me back!

* * * * *

me: hello?

mom: can you see us?

me: i can see you! hi!

mom: and—there you are!

me: hello!

dad: hello!

mom: um.

mom: honey, are you okay?

me: yeah! in fact—

mom: you look kind of gaunt. you look very thin and pale.

dad: you always forget that’s just how he looks.

me: yeah. mom, this is what i look like all the time.

mom: it’s not how you used to look. you used to—

me: my script is on the black list!

mom:

dad:

me: it’s #8! it’s in the top ten of the black list!

dad: is that good? that sounds bad.

mom: you look like you’re not eating enough.

me: i’m fine. guys. this is a really big deal.

me: the black list is a prestigious list of unproduced scripts. a bunch of executives put it together, and uh.

me: it’s a really good thing. it’s a great thing that happened to me, and my script, and my whole career.

mom: well, that’s good!

dad: that is good!

me: yeah!

dad: so does this mean you can get a job?

me: i have a job.

mom: he means a job where you get paid.

me: i have a job where i get paid. i write scripts now, and this means maybe i can sell them, and get paid. that’s my job. this is a real job now.

mom:

dad: so have you gotten paid to do any other scripts?

me: no, but—it’s a job. it’s a real job.

mom: well… yes. okay. then this is really good news! 

dad: it’s very good news. we’re very proud of you.

mom: grandma will be so happy! you should call her right now.

dad: and then you should call bonerdog.

mom: oh reid. ugh.

dad: i have a feeling he’s going to be really, really excited about it.

mom: stop it.

me: dad, stop.

dad: maybe too excited.

mom: I SAID STOP IT.

Tags: bonerdog the black list me and earl jobs
11 notes  ()
  1. dankrokos reblogged this from jesseandrews and added:
    I know this guy in real life.
  2. missfif reblogged this from jesseandrews
  3. jesseandrews posted this