Young Dads fans. what up. this is jesse, the Young Dad who sings lead on the 2nd verse of “Forever Grateful for the Young Dads.” i am writing to you because i wrote a book. here’s a link to its facebook page. it’s out in the u.s., canada, australia, new zealand, france, finland, and the netherlands. i think it’s possible to buy it online in the u.k. and ireland also. candidly, my hope is that you will “like” it and also genuinely like it and tell all your friends about it and write improbably glowing reviews about it on amazon and goodreads, e.g., “5/5 stars; this book is almost certainly the definitive use of words.” that is sort of the best-case scenario for this interaction. while i’m at it, i guess it’s also time to come clean about The Young Dads: IT TURNS OUT THIS WHOLE TIME MICAH WAS A DORITOS-SPONSORED HOLOGRAM FROM THE FUTURE. i know! i only found out about this a few weeks ago. he’s actually a beatboxing flavordroid named Moonbeam 3000 from the unlabellable part of the future where time itself achieves the ability to contain of all its own bifurcations and all potentialities of experience are fused into a single indescribable moment. so that’s where micah is from, and yeah, his real name is Moonbeam 3000. his best friend is named MegaTaste O’Syntherson, and they seem totally normal, except sometimes when you start talking with them one on one about personal stuff and they just can’t seem to shut up about the new Buffalo Chipotle Slammin’! flavor of Doritos, and you’re like, dude, i’m kind of trying to open up to you here about my verbally abusive alcoholic stepdad, and they’re like, CRAVIN’ SLAMMIN’ MUNCHIN’ JAMMIN’, and then if it’s MegaTaste O’Syntherson he starts ripping a solo on the synth that he carries around. so i guess it turns out that Doritos are always going to exist.
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