i got blacklisted.
dad: hello?
me: yo.
dad, suspiciously: who is this?
me: it’s your son.
dad: oh!
dad, worriedly: is this about the car?
me: no.
dad: oh god. you’ve lost your health insurance.
me: no! it’s good news!
mom: ooh let’s do facetime!
dad: oof.
me: hi mom!
me: you kind of just came out of nowhere!
dad: i do not like facetime.
mom: PLEEEEASE
dad: fine.
a lengthy bout of typing and muttering.
dad: i’m not seeing—who is “BonerDog420”?
me: i have no idea what you’re even looking at.
dad: the only person on the list that i can call is “BonerDog420.” but that’s not you.
me: what list? how did you arrive at—you know what, never mind.
dad: maybe we should call him to make sure.
me: do what you need to do. can i just tell you about—
dad: hello? bonerdog?
mom: reid i don’t think you should EWW
dad: GOOD LORD.
mom: TURN IT OFF. TURN IT OFF.
dad: WOW.
me: maybe you guys can call me back!
* * * * *
me: hello?
mom: can you see us?
me: i can see you! hi!
mom: and—there you are!
me: hello!
dad: hello!
mom: um.
mom: honey, are you okay?
me: yeah! in fact—
mom: you look kind of gaunt. you look very thin and pale.
dad: you always forget that’s just how he looks.
me: yeah. mom, this is what i look like all the time.
mom: it’s not how you used to look. you used to—
me: my script is on the black list!
mom:
dad:
me: it’s #8! it’s in the top ten of the black list!
dad: is that good? that sounds bad.
mom: you look like you’re not eating enough.
me: i’m fine. guys. this is a really big deal.
me: the black list is a prestigious list of unproduced scripts. a bunch of executives put it together, and uh.
me: it’s a really good thing. it’s a great thing that happened to me, and my script, and my whole career.
mom: well, that’s good!
dad: that is good!
me: yeah!
dad: so does this mean you can get a job?
me: i have a job.
mom: he means a job where you get paid.
me: i have a job where i get paid. i write scripts now, and this means maybe i can sell them, and get paid. that’s my job. this is a real job now.
mom:
dad: so have you gotten paid to do any other scripts?
me: no, but—it’s a job. it’s a real job.
mom: well… yes. okay. then this is really good news!
dad: it’s very good news. we’re very proud of you.
mom: grandma will be so happy! you should call her right now.
dad: and then you should call bonerdog.
mom: oh reid. ugh.
dad: i have a feeling he’s going to be really, really excited about it.
mom: stop it.
me: dad, stop.
dad: maybe too excited.
mom: I SAID STOP IT.
So it’s the beginning of awards season, and list season, and Me and Earl got on some lists that you should know about. Specifically, the Texas Library Association’s 
button
